THE YEAR OF YES
“The world’s a playground. You know that as a kid, but somewhere along the way everyone forgets it.”
From the movie Yes Man My second year of dental school was the toughest year of my life.
Not only was it the most academically challenging year of school, it was also the year I got divorced.
I met my ex-husband my freshman year of college. We dated all four years and married right after graduation. We were 22 years old and didn’t have a clue about living in the real world. After all, both of our parents had married young and were still together, so why shouldn’t it work out for us?
In the five years that followed, we grew into very different people. I continued to pursue my career, while he had a hard time figuring out what he wanted to do. He bounced from job to job. I was busy and stressed by dental school while he was lonely. Looking back, if we had continued to date for even one year post-undergrad, I don’t think we would have gotten married. We were always very different people. In the end, he had an affair and asked for a divorce and I was devastated.
That fall of 2011 is one of the darkest periods of my life. Not only was it rainy and damp – one of the rainiest on record for Portland – but I also moved into a tiny apartment that was encased by forest. I felt like the trees were going to reach in from my balcony and strangle me.
View from my first “solo” apartment balcony. Beautiful, but encroaching.
As the fall school term ended, I headed back to my hometown to celebrate Christmas with my family for the first time as a “single” person in 9 years. I felt depression closing in around me. The last thing I wanted to do was go to our family’s annual Christmas party where I’d have to smile placidly and nod while all my parents’ friends would tilt their heads, scrunch their eyebrows and ask, “Oh honey, are you doing ok?”
How do you tell people you barely know at a Christmas party that your entire life has crumbled around you and that you honestly don’t know how you’re going to get through each day?
Luckily, I found solace in the company of my brothers.
I have three younger brothers, all very different and each very accomplished in his own right. My brother Luke took me rock climbing that year. As I clung to crags 20 feet up in the air in beautiful Red Rock Canyon, my mind had room for nothing else except to focus on staying alive. It was a relief.
Climbing at Red Rock
My brother Grant asked me to go on runs with him and brought his friends over, welcoming me into their circle. Even though I am five years older than him, he made it seem effortless. And I found myself enjoying the company of his friends, whom I had largely ignored up until this time.
My youngest brother Clark didn’t say much, but was always down to go to Starbucks – especially if I was buying. His company and his unwavering loyalty made me feel safe.
I returned from Christmas and New Years not quite happy but definitely in a better state of mind. My family’s love had bolstered my spirits. I determined that I was not going to wallow in my divorce anymore.
I also got some inspiration from an expected source – a movie called Yes Man with Jim Carrey. The basic plot of the movie features a man who likes to always be in control getting a spell put on him that forces him to say “yes” to anything anyone asks of him. Hilarity and hijinks ensue, but ultimately Jim Carrey’s character finds true love and true happiness through being open to trying new things.
I thought about my life and how small, regimented and controlled it had become. I thought about how my ex-husband had told me that I was “no fun.” As I set my goals for 2012, I decided that going forward I would say yes to anything anyone asked me to do.
“2012 Is My Year of Yes!” I wrote in my diary.
The list of things I did in 2012 because someone asked me and I said “Yes!”
Went to Hawaii on a whim – which led me to ultimately deciding to move there in 2014.
First Time on Maui
2. Went kayaking over a waterfall
I dated a semi-professional kayaker for a few weeks and he taught me how to river kayak. (I’m the one in front)
3. Went camping – even though I had no clothing, no sleeping bag… basically I went from a workout with a friend to a weekend-long camping trip because someone asked if I wanted to tag along.
A trip to the park turned into a tag-along weekend camping trip
4. Stayed out late on a school night multiple times to dance and sing karaoke. I am not a partier. I typically do not stay out late – especially on school nights. But in saying yes, I got to know some of the upper classmen dental students who ultimately became friends and helped me tremendously the following year when I got to clinic.
Learning how to Salsa Dance on a School Night
5. Said yes to moving in with two girls that I didn’t really know, which ultimately was one of the most fun housing experiences to date.
Our first house party.
My first time ever hosting a color party at my own house with my roommates (on either side of me)
(one in blue and one in white)
(we are still friends)
6. Did a Zombie run that ended in a Brazilian house party.
My roommate and I randomly signed up to do a Zombie run.
(This is where you run a 10k but with people dressed as Zombies chasing you)
7. Started a Bible study with my good girlfriends which led me to some of my most favorite discussions on God and spirituality.
An important part to every Bible Study should be great cheese.
(and a little wine on the side)
8. Performed at our dental school talent show and won first place
My Talent Show Team!
(this is what first place winners look like!)
9. Tried aerial yoga for the first time and found out that I was good at something athletic for the first time in my life
Discovering that I was naturally good at one athletic thing – Aerial Yoga
10. Went to Nashville, TN for the first time where I had to hide from my brother’s RA in his dorm room closet because girls were not allowed.
Visiting my brother in Nashville
11. Made my first (and probably only) quilt from scratch
I still use this quilt today!
12. Developed and pursued friendships and mentorships with people. In the past, I might have been too busy or too intimidated to ask for help, but in 2012 I opened my heart to making room in my life for all kinds of new friendships.
My mentor, friend and all-around badass dentist friend Dr. Toni Eigner-Barry
I also studied my butt off, asked to take special lessons from my favorite instructor on cosmetic restorations, and discovered a love and passion for oral surgery.
Looking back, 2012 was definitely a year of transition for me. I didn’t find true love or win any academic awards but I pushed myself to do things that I normally wouldn’t have done. I was constantly out of my comfort zone and because of that, I learned a ton and have a lot of fond memories of that time.
The bottom line is that we all need a Year of Yes. Or maybe just a Month of Yes. Our brains are programmed to do what’s easy and comfortable, but we don’t grow or learn unless we are pushing ourselves out of that comfort zone. I think in the future, I could have done with a little less late nights, but the lessons I learned from that year set the tone for my life.
I am still regimented. I am still disciplined. I still don’t like to stay up late (especially on work nights). But no one has accused me of not being fun in 7 years. Yes I am structured but I also found that I love to try things – whether it be dance moves, food, travel adventures or new friendships. My Year of Yes helped give me confidence to never settle for what’s comfortable but to continually strive to be better.
What do you need to say yes to? And what would your life look like if you started saying “yes” today?