WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A DENTIST
“They sure are handy when you smile. So keep your teeth around awhile.”
Dr. Seuss
In the same vein as “What not to say to Single People,” I’m writing an article based on a few conversations I’ve had with people lately. Some of these people were patients or parents of patients, and some were just people with whom I was making small talk with at a party. As I smiled and nodded, I realized how often I hear certain phrases when people find out I’m a dentist. So I started writing them down. And then I started asking other dentists.
Much like my Single People post, this post is not meant to make anyone feel bad. As I’ve written before, I don’t believe when people say these things that they are trying to be rude or thoughtless, but there are just statements around dentists and dentistry that have become socially acceptable to say that are simply impolite. And I’d like to take this opportunity to give perspective on the other side of the coin and give insight on what it feels like to hear this.
Another thing: I realize that there are people out there who have had truly terrible experiences with a dentist. And on behalf of dentists I’d like to say, “I’m sorry.” I know that having a stranger put their hands in your mouth is a really invasive, weird, potentially painful and even scarring experience. I don’t want to minimize that. I believe that we dentists need to do everything in our power to make the experience for our patients and patients’ parents as comfortable as we can. My hope is that in reading this post, you will be able to communicate your needs with a dentist in a more productive way.
One final caveat: I am writing this somewhat in hyperbole. Please know that when people say these things to me, especially if they are my patient, I always strive to be courteous and compassionate. It is my job to remain professional and polite no matter what is said to me and that is a requirement that I take seriously.
So with all that being said, here goes…
“I hate the dentist”
Why would you say this to someone? You might have had some bad experiences at this dentist. But what do you think you’re going to accomplish by telling me that? Would it be OK, if you said you were a school teacher, if I responded “I hate school teachers.” No, it would not be. Just because we dentists are in a profession that makes a lot of people uncomfortable, people don’t have the right to make blanket statements like that. It’s not a polite thing to say to anyone, but more importantly it’s not giving someone a chance to do their work.
“Did you know that dentists have the highest rate of suicide?”
This is another thing that people like to tell me all the time to which I say, “Well, I guess I’ve made it through another day! Phew!” But first of all, this is no longer true. See this. Dentists do not have the highest suicide rate of all professions. Being a dentist, I know a lot of dentists, and the vast majority of us are happy, healthy and genuinely want to help our patients.
Also why is this acceptable to say? What can I gain from hearing this? I’ve already spent 11+ years pursuing this career.
“Are you going to give me a shot? I hate shots.”
If you’re here for a filling, root canal, to get a tooth out, etc, then YES I am going to give you an injection (I don’t use the word “shot” – that’s something physicians do with vaccines). Seriously though, if you’re here for treatment, then chances are you’re going to get an injection. Because guess what? If we didn’t give you any numbing, you would literally pass out from the pain. Dental pain is some of the worst pain that humans go through and without the numbing, you would feel ALL OF IT.
“I’m afraid of needles!” (But the patient has a neck tattoo.)
Dude, if you have tattoos, then please don’t tell me you’re afraid of needles. You voluntarily sat in a chair for hours at a time and let someone repeatedly press tiny needles in your arm, your lower back, your calf, your freakin’ neck! And I don’t want to hear that “getting tattoos is different.” If you are voluntarily letting people stick you with needles so you can memorialize your favorite Bruce Springsteen quote on your back for all of eternity, then you can take a deep breath and let me get you numb to save your tooth.
“My two-year old doesn’t want to brush their teeth so we don’t make them.”
As a pediatric dentist I hear this a lot. And my response is always why would you let someone who still poops their pants make the decision on whether or not they will brush their teeth? I’m not trying to minimize how difficult and stubborn toddlers can be. But also, you’re the parent. You ultimately know what’s best for your child. So just like you teach your child to tie their shoes, eat with a fork, and not poop their pants, work with them on tooth brushing.
“Oh I guess this new crown is paying for your new boat.”
I know how freakin’ expensive dental work is. It’s kind of astonishing to me how expensive it is. But please don’t say that to us. First of all, it’s a crown, Karen, and by the time insurance has paid, and we’ve paid our staff, and paid our student loans, it’s hardly a car payment. Also, I worked really hard and ate a lot of Ramen Noodle cups and PB and J for four years as a poor dental student so that I could be a dentist. I’m not rich by any means, but I am comfortable and that’s because I’ve worked my butt off for it.
“Oh you’re a dentist! Can you look at this?” (someone at a party)
After taking a poll of some of my fellow dentists, I decided to add this one. Personally, I really don’t mind when someone asks me this question, but think about it from our perspective. It’s hard to be at an event, and then find yourself looking at someone’s tooth without proper lighting or proper tools. We can’t really diagnose things by looking into your child’s mouth at a wedding. So maybe judge this one on a case by case basis.
So what can you say to a dentist?
“Just so you know, I get a little nervous about…”
If you have a new dentist and it’s your first time meeting them – let them know specifically what you feel nervous about. Ask them how they can help you with this fear. Some dentists offer types of mild-moderate sedation in their office which can help with anxiety. Some dentists have techniques to help you not feel the injections as much. The point is, find a dentist who validates your feelings and makes you feel safe. There are plenty of dentists out there and not every dentist is a good match for you, so take your time and find one who is!
Also, figure out what can help you have a better time at the dentist. Maybe bring headphones and listen to music or a podcast during treatment. You can focus on breathing regularly and slowly during treatment. Practice meditation. Choose a low-stress appointment time. Take ibuprofen beforehand. The most important thing is to have agency in this process.
“Hey, I read this blog post called “What not to say to a Dentist” and I’m wondering if you’ve heard of it?”
Your dentist and/or friends who are dentists will probably get a kick out of it. So thanks in advance for giving my blog a shout out. You’re the best!
Thanks for reading and sharing with your friends!