MILESTONES

I think that there are plenty of times when we celebrate big milestones in our lives.  Turning 21, graduating from high school or college, getting married, anniversaries… these are life events that we call Milestones because they signify achieving something.  

Lately, however, I’ve been thinking about those milestones that aren’t delegated by a birthday, an anniversary or a graduation but by doing something that you previously had not done, or had thought was impossible.  

When I was married before, I thought it was my job as the wife to do the vast majority of the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc.  All those things are traditionally a “woman’s job.”  So I let my ex do all the taxes, bill paying and other things that are more traditionally a “man’s job.”  Then I got divorced and I found myself at age 27 having never filed my own taxes. 

So this blog post is about celebrating the little victories.  A lot of these things are based on gender-stereotypes, but for a long time I thought there were many things that I couldn’t do or wasn’t good at – for no reason other than that I am a girl.  And some of these things are just little things that had been on my heart for a long time, but I lacked the courage to simply start them. 

Filing Taxes:

My first time filing was age 28.  That’s right.  I officially filed taxes.  I never had done it in the past, and I had no idea how.  I went to H&R Block because I felt deathly afraid of the IRS (even though I made no money, and had not done anything wrong.)  For my first time filing, I was glad I sought professional help as they were able to walk me through everything and talk to me about what was and wasn’t important.  I took notes and the following year filed by myself using TurboTax. 

A lot of people hate tax season, and I definitely don’t love it, but I still feel very grown-up doing it every year.  I have special folders in a filing cabinet and special folders in my email accounts where I store all my information so that when I go to file, I have all my write-offs easily available.  I do not claim to know a ton about taxes, but the fact that I can do this makes me feel accomplished and strong.  

Learning to Grill: 

I grew up only ever seeing my dad at the grill.  It seems to be a very “guy” thing to do.  So for some reason, I assumed that grilling was “really hard.”  Imagine my surprise, when I bought my own grill and tried it out for the first time.  Friends let me let you in on a secret: Grilling is easy!  You just stand in your backyard, drink a beverage, and occasionally flip things on the grill.  And it almost always turns out delicious.  

Becoming “handy”:

I grew up as the girliest girly girl you’ve ever seen.  I wore ribbons in my hair, and fluffy, flouncy dresses whenever possible.  So I thought, again, that guys were naturally good at building things so therefore I was not.  Here’s what I’ve found now after building and tinkering with multiple things: I can put together a bike, build a chest of drawers, re-setting breakers, and much more.  While there are a few people who are naturally gifted putting things together, most people, male or female, can figure it out- if they’re willing to make some mistakes along the way and go back to fix them.  I’ve built some things that were not easy, and the trick to building them was simply patience, some Youtube, and a willingness to get it right.  Boom!  

Buying a car:

I bought my first car when I was 30.  By myself.  Without any man with me.  I did my research, haggled, because I knew what the market prices were and bought a car.  My Toyota Corolla isn’t exactly my dream vehicle, but it is sturdy, dependable and gets me from A to B.  And every time I get in it, I feel good about the fact that I bought it with my own money and negotiated a fair deal. 

So proud of my new car purchase!

Negotiating a salary:

This goes hand-in-hand with the car purchase, but it’s also a little different.  This year, as I got my first job as a pediatric dentist, I did a lot of research on the company before and during contract negotiations.  I hired a lawyer to look over my contract and got my first real experience with working through offers.  Honestly, it was scary.  Sometimes my first instinct is to be accommodating and to accept the first offer given to me because I don’t want to come off as “pushy.” But I leaned on some trusted mentors who had a lot more experience than I did and asked for what I thought I deserved.  The result is feeling like I’m paid what I’m worth while really enjoying what I do at a great company.  

Running a Marathon: 

This is what I decided to do in Hawaii as a way to get over a break up.  I had ran a couple of half marathons before, but this idea came out of a deep need to have a goal to occupy my mind.  As I would run 5 miles, 10 miles, 15 miles, and on while my mind would run through the cycles of grief.  At the end of training, I had a strong body, a marathon under my belt and a better mental state.  I do not feel the need to ever run a marathon again, but I’m glad I did it and it’s something worth celebrating.  

My friend and I right after completing the Honolulu Marathon.

Activating my green thumb:

Last year, I decided to plant an herb garden in my backyard.  I went out and bought plants and planted them.  Miraculously, all of them, except for the basil, have survived.  Now I get to have fresh herbs in my scrambled eggs every morning. 

There is something intensely satisfying about growing something from nothing and then getting to literally enjoy the harvest.  I also bought some house plants for the first time this year and 3 months in, they are still alive.  I consider this in itself to be a milestone.  I can plant things, I can make things grow, and I can keep things alive. 

Making a quilt: 

This was a project I tackled in dental school.  It took almost a year, but I made a quilt from scratch.  I picked out all the fabric, cut it, learned how to use a sewing machine and sewed it together.  I love this quilt and it lays on my bed to this day.  It is a reminder to me that I can make beautiful things outside the realm of my usual skill sets.  

The quilt I made during dental school and still use today.

Taking daily vitamins:

There is conflicting evidence (see here and here) on whether taking daily vitamins actually work, but  I started taking a daily fish oil to prepare for my Lasik surgery.  I also take folic acid (for hair and nails), vitamin D (in the winter), and Juice Plus dailies because sometimes I don’t eat as many vegetables as I should.  I can’t say with any certainty if taking these helps, but I can say that I’ve not gotten sick once this last year.  Remembering to take vitamins just feels like one more step to being an adult. 

Starting a blog: 

I journaled and wrote my thoughts and stories for years before I got the courage to start sharing with the world.  Starting something so simultaneously public and personal felt intimidating.  But this process of writing and sharing is a labor of love for me.  It brings me so much joy.  Thank you to all of you who have read all of my posts, commented on them or shared them with someone else.  Through writing this blog, I have made some new friends, reconnected with old ones, and gotten closer to the ones I already have.  It’s been an amazing experience and I want to thank all of you for being a part of it.  

So as 2018 comes to a close, I’m celebrating the milestones, both big and small.  What milestones in your life should you celebrate?  It doesn’t have to be the typical ones like graduating from college or having a baby.  Write your own list of milestones and take time to celebrate the things you’ve accomplished, no matter how small, that make you feel strong.